There are many alternative endings for everyday situations we may find ourselves in. Each situation may have a positive or negative outcome and how we handle our emotions thus dictate what sort of outcome occurs. As engineers, more often than not, emotions are usually not at the top of our focus list in daily work as we frequently flex muscles in logic, algorithms and problem-solving, etc. This could in turn hamper us or make it difficult to interrelate properly within our teams and beyond, with people from technical to non-technical backgrounds. On this account, we need to understand and build our introspective and self-reflective capacities as well as the ingredients of a positive relationship with people which in turn fuels our performance in the workplace and personal lives.
What is Emotional Intelligence
Srivastava(2013) described Emotional Intelligence (EQ) as “the ability to monitor one's own and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour”.
EQ is a soft skill that has to do with the awareness of ourselves and others through self-understanding and behaviour which help build the right relationship. Displaying a high level of EQ is fundamental to building strong collaborative relationships, enabling us to manage ourselves much better and converse more easily with others, hence diminishing the chances of getting emotionally stressed. Having that understanding of our feelings and emotions about ourselves and our teammates can facilitate supporting each other in our highs and lows moments, fostering cohesion, bonding and growth within the team.
Building Emotional Intelligence
EQ like any other soft skill can be built, nourished and maintained. It is not absolutely a walk in the park but an endeavour that requires the right drive, the right motivation and a sense of purpose. Having a high EQ anchor on the understanding of some of its core components or building blocks, viz., self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy.
Self-awareness - finding out who we are (our core purpose in life), self-worth or self-esteem, our goals and how we can use goal settings to achieve our purpose in life, strengths and limitations and how these impact our daily life. Self-awareness can be built by constantly getting feedback from others and doing personality assessments. Setting up and recognising your values; values drive our individual preferences, and priorities and set our direction and give guidelines on our behaviour. It is undoubtedly that our sense of self-worth or self-esteem and what we think about ourselves to a greater extent shapes how we act and react, how others treat us, and what kind of people show up in our life.
Self-regulation - this has to do with our capacity to regulate and control our energy states, emotions, thoughts, and behaviours in ways that are acceptable and lead to beneficial outcomes like happiness, fulfilling relationships, and learning. Self-regulation can be built by practising self-discipline, patience (taking the time to think things through), knowing our emotional triggers and keeping a journal of our highs and lows as well as our reactions on each occasion.
Empathy - this is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation. It also encompasses the emotional ability to understand or see things from other people's points of view or perspectives. Surprisingly, recent research has revealed that genetics play a significant role in how empathetic we are, notwithstanding, we can be more empathetic by actively listening than speaking, using our imagination, showing care and concern, and acknowledging the person’s feelings.
Emotional Intelligence Importance
Aside from the highly obvious benefits of EQ such as better teamwork, better and healthy workplace relationships, easier adjustments, greater self-awareness, beneficial coexistence, better social skills, etc. It is also observed that high EQ individuals are difficult to be offended because of the thick skin they developed as a result of their self-assurance, open-mindedness and ability to control their triggers. Even when poked fun at, they are able to set a boundary mentally between the funny side and the undignifying bits hence keeping their feelings in check and preventing things from derailing.
Final Thought
EQ is a vital tool that must be in our toolbox. If you understand why you are feeling a certain way, what your hot buttons are and how you respond to certain situations especially when the emotions are on the rise and things tend to get out of hand, you can take steps to change how you’re feeling or deal with it in a healthy way. You might conclude that someone who upset you didn’t mean to, and so there’s no reason to continue to be mad about it. Emotional intelligence will help us to make those kinds of decisions that will help us to get along with those we communicate and collaborate with, our friends, and our acquaintances.
The key takeaway is that EQ is a powerful trait every software developer should have to be better equipped to deal with difficult interpersonal situations with coworkers and make the software development experience more fun.